We’re Wired to Be Social. Why Rethinking the “Self” Could Transform the Way We Work—and Lead
In the modern workplace, we often reward independence, promote self-starters, and expect accountability to begin and end with the individual.
But what if the idea of a truly “independent self” is outdated?
Across disciplines—from social neuroscience to anthropology, from Buddhist ethics to Aristotle’s political theory—a common thread is becoming more visible: human beings are fundamentally social. We don’t just thrive in groups—we become ourselves through our relationships.
We are also socially motivated by our need to experience a shared reality with others—a sense that our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs are aligned with those around us (see Prof E. Tory Higgins explanation that this alignment not only deepens social bonds but also boosts our confidence in what we believe to be true.)
This shift has profound implications for how we lead, manage, and design organizations.
The Science of Social Beings
Modern neuroscience is showing us what many ancient traditions intuited: our brains are built for connection. Social interaction isn’t just a skill—it’s a biological imperative.
A few key insights from the science:
Our brains light up more for social feedback than for financial reward.
A 2008 study led by Izuma, Saito, and Sadato used fMRI scans to show that positive social feedback (like admiration or approval) activates the ventral striatum—the brain's reward center—even more strongly than monetary rewards in many cases. That means peer recognition can be more neurologically motivating than a bonus check.
Empathy and mimicry are hardwired, not learned.
Studies on mirror neurons, first discovered by Giacomo Rizzolatti and colleagues in the 1990s, revealed that certain neurons fire both when we perform an action and when we observe someone else perform it. This is thought to be the neurological basis of empathy, imitation, and social learning, showing how deeply relational our cognition is.
We learn, decide, and grow in relationship—not in isolation.
Longitudinal research in developmental psychology—from Lev Vygotsky to Barbara Rogoff—shows that cognitive development is socially scaffolded. Even adult decision-making is shaped by social context, perceived norms, and interpersonal feedback.
These findings challenge the lone-hero model that many business cultures are built on (which is based in part on Western Romantic literature on the idea of individual genius and in part on the Great Man Theory of Leadership advanced by Thomas Carlyle). They remind us that success is never solo, and that failures are often systemic, not personal.
The Long Struggle to Define the Self
This relational view of the mind and self is echoed across cultural and philosophical traditions:
Aristotle argued that humans are “political animals”—not just social, but incomplete without community. Virtue, for him, was developed with and through others.
Buddhism teaches that the “self” is not a fixed entity, but a fluid process shaped by interdependent causes. Who we are emerges in response to our context.
Jewish ethics emphasizes covenantal responsibility—we are shaped by history, community, and shared obligations.
In Christian thought, the soul may be personal, but the journey of sanctification is profoundly communal, grounded in relationships of care and shared moral development.
Confucianism centers ethics around relational roles—emphasizing that identity is not just individual, but defined by one’s responsibilities to others.
In short: the “self” isn’t a standalone unit. It’s a node in a web.
Why This Matters at Work
This new understanding urges a radical rethinking of how we lead and build organizations:
Performance is always relational. Productivity is shaped by team dynamics, feedback culture, and emotional safety—not just skill.
Success is co-produced. Innovation doesn’t come from lone stars—it emerges from psychologically safe, connected teams.
Culture isn’t extra—it’s everything. The everyday interactions, values, and shared rhythms of a team shape behavior more powerfully than policies or incentives alone.
From Command to Connection
In this view, leadership isn’t about commanding individuals. It’s about shaping social environments that bring out the best in people.
That means:
Encouraging vulnerability and trust.
Valuing emotional intelligence and relational competence as key leadership traits.
Building systems where recognition, feedback, and cooperation drive behavior.
Business as a Network of Relationships
If we truly embrace this idea—that humans are wired to be social—then everything from performance reviews to corporate strategy needs rethinking:
Public policy needs to focus on social health, not just economic output.
Education must emphasize not only what students know, but how they relate—emotionally, ethically, and culturally.
Corporate leadership must stop treating culture as a branding tool and start treating it as the infrastructure of performance.
This isn’t about being soft. It’s about being realistic about what makes us human—and how that drives business results.
A More Human Vision of Work
For too long, we’ve built systems around the myth of the isolated rational actor. But from the brain to the soul, we are relational beings. We rise together, fail together, and grow through one another.
The leaders of tomorrow won’t just manage tasks. They’ll cultivate relationships, design for connection, and help their teams become more fully human—together.
Further Reading & Exploration
Here are some more materials to consider the relational nature of human identity and behavior:
Scientific Research
Izuma, S., Saito, D. N., & Sadato, N. (2008). Processing of Social and Monetary Rewards in the Human Striatum. Neuron.
Rizzolatti, G., & Craighero, L. (2004). The Mirror-Neuron System. Annual Review of Neuroscience.
Matthew Lieberman (2013). Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect.
Philosophy & Tradition
Aristotle
Want to be part of the (r)evolution?
I am putting the finishing touches on the first draft of a book with a friend and colleague Andrew Lopianowski on the concept, which we are calling HumanCorps. If you’d like to learn more about the book, or perhaps have some amazing stories of people who are putting these efforts in motion to be the change we need, please drop me a line.